Categories
divorce

I need some birthday wishes!!

I have never done this before but today is my birthday and I’m reaching out to “my people(s)” a couple of different ways to ask for good birthday wishes for future happiness.

This year and this day are especially hard.  It’s a long story that is now almost over but included the necessity today to move more definitively to cut my idiot ex-husband out of my life.  I don’t need to say a lot except that I had hoped he would get the hint that I now know and understand any tender feelings or wishes he might feel a need to express to me, on this day or any others of significance, are all lies.  Even if they weren’t, they hurt me, after all that has transpired in my life since I left our home. 

Sorrow is here and Joy is here.
As for me it's getting down to the last unspoken part
When you must begin to ease the pain of a broken heart
Tell me why should I even care if I have to lose your love
From now on you're only someone that I used to love

Wish it was enough for you
All the love I had to give
I did my best to keep you satisfied
I guess you'll never know how much I tried
I really tried

And if ever our paths should cross again
Well, you won't find me being the one to get lost again
Once I had so much to give but you just refused my love
From now on you're only someone that I used to love

The opening and closing verses of this song express the same sentiment. There’s just one slight change I would make if I was singing it to myself these days.

When I wake up each morning trying to find myself
And if I'm ever the least unsure
I always remind myself  I'm fine with it till this point
Though you're someone in this world that I'll  This is now conditional past tense I'd always choose to love
From now on you're only someone that I used to love

In the words of my life/writing coach Jennifer Louden, in her Oasis group, it feels that we are looking for ways to reemerge from the inwardness and fear of the last two years. For me, that’s a major understatement.

She goes on to encourage us to reemerge into the light to which I must reply that, in the pulse of re-emergence I am right now in limbo between moving outward and moving inward.  Now that I have done everything necessary to complete my pending actual physical move, where I already know what I will be physically bringing with me and being happy to leave everything else behind, I just want to do it already!  

If only today’s events and thoughts and feelings hadn’t moved me back a little inward.  That’s why I’m asking for birthday wishes, to turn me back around in the right new direction!

TIA, Folks!